Caller: I bet I'm calling India and you're reading some stupid gossip mag.
CallCenterGal: Um, no. I live in the US of A and I'm lusting over an Anthro catalog

CHICK LIT AUTHOR BLOG HOP

UPDATED WITH THE WINNER OF MY 2 CHICK LIT EBOOKS!

THE WINNER IS . . .

LOVING MAX

Loving Max, if you're reading this please shoot me an email with your email address so I can send you your Kindle ebooks. 

THE WINNER OF THE KINDLE AND THE CHICK LIT STARTER LIBRARY, AS STATED ON THE RAFFLECOPTER, IS CAROL C

Thank you all for participating. It's been real! xx Lisa




CHICK LIT AUTHOR BLOG HOP 

 On behalf of all the authors participating in this hop, I'd like to welcome you to the 2013 Chick Lit Author Blog Hop!!!

♥ Win a Kindle Keyboard 3G, Free 3G + Wi-Fi, 6" E Ink Display plus e-Books galore 

 ♥ Here's how the blog hop will work ♥ . . .


♥ Each of the many participating authors will reveal What's on Page 25 of their chick lit book.

♥ As part of this hop, we are hosting a grand prize drawing so that one lucky blog hop winner will receive a FREE Kindle Keyboard 3G, with Free 3G + Wi-Fi, and a 6″ E Ink Display. That lucky grand prize winner will also receive a “chick lit starter library” filled with great chick lit books written by the indie authors participating in the blog hop.
Here’s a tip on how to win that grand prize: As you hop along the list of 27 bloggers, have a scrap piece of paper handy. Write the numbers 1-27 on your piece of paper. Each blog post has a secret word embedded into it. When visiting the first blogger on the list, find that blog post’s secret word and then record in the #1 slot on your list. Then proceed to the next blog and do the same – when visiting the #2 blog, write that secret word next to the #2 on your piece of paper – and so on. Or, if you want, hop ahead to say, #18 on the list – so long as you record the secret word from the 18th person on the list onto your #18 you’ll come away with a 27-word sentence that makes perfect sense and that needs to be entered in order to win that grand prize.

***NOTE: AS FOR THE RAFFLECOPTER WIDGET, YOU CAN ENTER THE GRAND PRIZE FROM ANY BLOG, THEY ALL GO INTO THE SAME "POOL"

On this blog, you'll have a chance to win 2 e-book copies of my chick lit novels: She's the Boss and Confessions of a Call Center Gal. All you have to do is leave a comment on this blog post, including your e-mail address, and you're automatically entered to win (the only reason I need your email is so I can notify you if you're a winner).
If you visit each blog hop stop, that means you'll have the chance to win 20 different e-books!  

 Thee Grand Prize winner of the Kindle and the Chick Lit Starter Library will be announced on May 28th on Chick Lit Chit Chat/ on the Rafflecopter Widget. The winner of my 2 novels will be announced on this site.

 This contest is open to U.S and Canadian citizens only.

♥ Good luck ladies, have fun blog hopping and happy reading! xoxo Lisa



WHAT'S ON PAGE 25 OF SHE'S THE BOSS (CHICK LIT/ ROM COM ~ THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA MEETS THE OFFICE)



COMPANY DRESS CODE: MOOSE KNUCKLES AND CAMEL TOES

“And you’re a supervisor, am I right?” There was an uncomfortable hard edge to his voice as he said this.
“Uh-huh.” I squared my shoulder blades.
“Then why are you dressed like that?”
“Like what?” I stared at him nonplussed.
Was it wrong to dress like a surfer girl when I don’t actually surf?
“Like that!” he barked.
Humph. It’s a good thing he refrained from using any derogatory names. I’ve always wanted to say, “YOU BETTER LAWYER UP BECAUSE I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!”
Not that I’d ever follow through with my threat. It just sounded so cool.
“What sort of example are you setting?” Carter demanded, making no effort to hide his smug contempt.
Under his scrutinizing gaze, my skin began to prickle and my confidence waned. He made me feel horribly self-conscious about my short skirt that was showing acres of bare legs. How I longed for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
“I-I . . .” It came out like a frog’s croak. I found myself become correspondingly more tongue tied.
Then Carter turned his attention to Pamela and Jewel. “And I understand that the two of you are team leads.”
“Yessssireee,” was their sassy reply.
“Then act and dress like you’re team leads!” Then he turned and fixed me with an eagle glare as if I was equally culpable for their decision to dress like hookers.
I was not.
If Pamela and Jewel wanted to dress like that, so be it.
Let it rest. That is the Buddhist way.
Yes. I am sometimes a Buddhist. And achieving Zen is no mean feat. It takes a helluva lot of effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have?
Nothing. Nada. Zilch. But that is the goal of enlightenment, I guess.
Taking a deep breath, I began silently meditating like a Tibetan monk.
OHM . . . OHM . . . OHM . . . SABBE . . . SATTA . . . SUKHI . . . HONTU . . .
It means: May all beings be happy.
It didn’t seem to be working. Carter was far from happy. Far, far, far from it. He wheeled around and addressed the entire room. “Everyone, listen up! This is a fine example of how you should not dress. And because Karsynn, Pamela and Jewel have clearly violated our company dress code . . .” He left a pause so dramatic everyone tensed. “I am sending them home to change.”
There was a collective snort of laughter and I found myself blushing in shame at being spoken to like that in public. I held my head up high and practically split my face into two, pretending that it didn’t faze me.
Face like thunder, Carter’s voice descended to a single ominous note. “Capisce?”
Capisce,” I replied through gritted teeth, taking a break from being Buddhist.
“Good.” Carter gave me a short, tight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Forget all this attaining enlightenment! Forget all this pseudo-profound Zen teachings! I glared at Carter with blistering scorn, taking a silent inventory of the countless ways I could exact my revenge.
God and Gautama Buddha! How I hated this man.
His bluntness set me on edge.
What did he think we were? Cattle at a livestock auction?
“For now, the three of you can return to your seats.” His tone was harsh, an order rather than a request. “After this meeting, I expect you to go home and change into something more appropriate.”
Pamela and Jewel returned to their seats, giggling like a pair of giddy schoolgirls. Still reeling, I walked back to my chair and sat down with a huff. “Excuse me?” I raised my hand. “There seems to be a double standard here. How come you have a problem with how we’re dressed and yet it’s OK for men to swan around the office in their Spandex cycling shorts and Lycra bodysuits?”
Carter folded his arms across his chest. “You have a problem with that?”
Feeling rather like Wonder Woman, the purveyor of truth and justice, I bravely said, “I do.”
“Why?”
“Well,” I began, “the front view can be somewhat off-putting, but the back view with the butt padding . . .” I stopped myself just in time.
The back view made men look as if they were wearing Always Maxi Wings pads. Nonetheless, I didn’t think it was appropriate to discuss menstrual pads at a business meeting.
“Actually,” said Hillary with a note of faint-heartedness, “those Lycra cycling shorts scare the living daylights out of me. It forces me to look where I don’t want to . . . like at a bad car accident, know what I mean?”
“Yep.” I nodded energetically. “I know exactly what you mean. It’s hard to watch it but it’s impossible to pull your eyes away.”
Encouraged, Hillary continued, “Truthfully, those shorts leave little to the imagination. If you ask me, private parts should remain private.”
Hillary had a point. Those skintight spandexy shorts shrink-wrapped men’s genitalia, reducing them to store-bought, Saran-wrapped Concord grapes. What’s worse is some men take it to the extreme. Take for instance, Seymour Lewis, a fellow supervisor, who walks around in a full-bodied unitard—the sort of unitard that can only be purchased at a dance supply shop, likely intended for women only but labeled “unisex.”
Seriously? Grown men at the office all trussed up in shiny Technicolor Lycra unitards?
How sad is that?
Sensationally sad I tell you!
Carter surveyed the room. “Anyone else have a problem with Lycra cycling shorts?”
Seymour stood up with an air of defiance. “I don’t!”
I cast a swift glance at Seymour in his sad, sad, unitard. “Moose knuckles.” The word just slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.
What the hell made me say that?
I had an unnerving talent for putting my foot in my mouth. And not just my foot, mind you, but my whole leg.
“What did you just say?” Seymour demanded.
How I wish my mouth had a ‘Backspace’ key. “Oh,” I said inanely, “nothing.”
“I heard you! Level with me, Kars!” Seymour sent me daggers. “Why did you just say moose knuckles?”
I smiled wanly with a turn of my head that indicated the topic was inappropriate, but Seymour simply refused to let it drop.
“Tell me!” His voice pitched higher.
“Well,” I said, “you know how some women have camel toes?” I coughed lightly. “Well . . . um . . . you have moose knuckles.”
“Hey, I don’t mind them.” Pamela smothered a giggle. “Let’s face it, once you’ve seen one set of turkey giblets, you’ve likely seen them all!”
(Win the grand prize! The 5th secret word in the 25-word sentence is: Lit)
On the far side of the room, a shy voice piped in. It was Chester, an ex-Humanities professor who had left academia years ago because he hadn’t been granted tenure. “Actually,” he said slowly, “camel toes and moose knuckles are the only reason why I go to yoga class.”
The table went deathly quiet. There was a moment of still silence as all heads swiveled toward Chester. Meanwhile, Seymour was still twitching about in his sad, sad unitard. “See!” Seymour was practically shouting. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Lycra!”
I blinked in amazement. This guy was clearly oblivious to the spectacle he represented.
“What’s so wrong if some of my lumps and bumps are present?” Seymour remained intentionally obtuse. “So what if my ‘boys’ are on display? C’mon, is this the Victorian age or something?”
“Well,” I said in a small voice, “can’t you wear cycling shorts that don’t actually make you look like Hulk Hogan at the Ice Capades?”
“First of all,” Seymour harrumphed loudly, “I was planning on changing after I’d checked my emails. And secondly, this suit enhances my performance. Trust me; baggy shorts don’t even come close to the performance of Lycra!”
“Are you in the Tour de France trying to shave tenths of a second off your personal best?” I fixed Seymour with a pointed look. “What? Was that a ‘No’? Then you don’t need Lycra.”
Hillary chimed in, “If you don’t have billboard ads all over your bodysuit, then you obviously don’t need Lycra.”
“Uh-huh.” Jewel did a zigzag finger snap. “Do you even bike fast enough for it to make a performance difference? And let’s be real, your ten mile commute is in no way equivalent to the rigors of a race. So really, there is no excuse for wearing Lycra!”
“You women don’t get it, do you?” Seymour hissed loudly. “It’s not just about shaving off seconds! It’s so that I’m not walking around bowlegged like a Dungeness crab all day. And it prevents chafing.”
“Chafing?”
“Ball burn,” was Seymour’s illuminating reply.
In a sudden moment of clarity, we collectively said, “Oh . . .”
“Look,” said Carter, taking charge of the meeting that had clearly spiraled out of control, “if you want to wear Lycra on your bike, by all means do. But please Seymour, once you come into work, go straight to the men’s room and get changed.”
“Yes, Seymour. Please do,” I added virtuously. “And none of this: Oh I’m just checking my emails and the next thing you know is you’re at a meeting in a full blown unitard.”
“It’s a body suit!” Seymour shouted.
“All right guys, you’ve made your point. I think we’re all agreed then . . .” Carter glanced around the room. “No Lycra. I’ll be updating the Company Dress Code and moving forward, Lycra shorts and body suits will be considered unacceptable work attire. Now before I end this meeting . . .” He eyed me quickly. “Karsynn, Pamela and Jewel—after you’ve changed into some proper clothes, I expect you to report back to me.”



    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    21 comments:

    1. Sounds so amusing! Thank you for this opportunity :D

      kitsune_no_sora @ yahoo

      ReplyDelete
    2. I laughed out loud at this one: "...Those skintight spandexy shorts shrink-wrapped men’s genitalia, reducing them to store-bought, Saran-wrapped Concord grapes..."

      Lisa, this looks hysterical! What a treat to be able to read through your book about 25 pages in. Feels like I'm holding it in my hands and I definately want to read more!

      Thanks so much for participating in the Chick Lit Author Blog Hop and Happy International Chick Lit Month, to you!

      It's so great to be this year's Blog Hop organizer (Tracie Banister started the tradition last year) and to host all of these great writers on my book blog, Chick Lit Chit Chat! :)

      Happy Hopping Everyone!!!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Thanks for reading Julie! ANd thanks for hosting this awesome hop! You rock!!!! xx

        Delete
    3. Ohhh, this sounds hilarious!!! LOL!!! Thank you for being part of this hop!

      ReplyDelete
    4. Your book sounds great! I'm absolutely loving finding all these fellow Chick-Lit authors from the blog hop. My library queue is about to get 25 books longer...also, your cover! Those shoes!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Hi Colleen! Thanks for stopping by =)

        Delete
    5. I, too, am in love with those shoes on your cover. (I wonder who the designer is...) and the story sounds fabulous! :-)

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Thanks for stopping Libby! And thanks so much for reading! No idea who designed those shoes, but my guess is it's Christian Siriano for Payless ;-) Why Pay more when you can PAYLESS!

        Delete
    6. My daughter in particular would live this book!

      ReplyDelete
    7. Lisa, this sounds amazing! I am downloading it pronto! So nice to meet you on the hop!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Samantha! Lovely to meet you too! Thanks so much for stopping by and thanks for reading my load of fluff, lol. I'm off to check out your book too! xx

        Delete
    8. I still have Confessions of a Call Center Gal headed towards the top of my TBR which I have to read first but after this excerpt, I know I will love it!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Thanks Meredith! I've added your book to my TBR too! =)

        Delete
    9. Love that cover Lisa! I'm having so much fun with this hop!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Hi Samantha! Me too! Thanks for stopping by! xx

        Delete
    10. Thanks for the stop and giveaway! I've been eyeballing Call Center for a while!
      <3 Tobi
      tobihelton at gmail dot com

      ReplyDelete
    11. What a great page 25. Adding to my TBR list.

      ReplyDelete
    12. Lisa, your dialogue is hilarious!! Can't wait to read! Take care, Dee

      ReplyDelete
    13. Great scene! Looking forward to reading this one!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Sounds great, Lisa! Glad to be on the Hop with you!!

      ReplyDelete
    15. Thanks for participating in the hop! esined615 at yahoo dot com

      ReplyDelete